Finals... ugh

So this week is finals week, it sucks!!! I have one this afternoon and one tomorrow and I am done with school until January.

Well I am moving on campus next semester, I am not looking forward to it, but at the same time I am. I am going to miss Trey, :(

Hope all is well, hope to post more over the break, wooooo hoooo!!! CHRISTMAS! I am off to finalize some studying for my final!!!

So I am sick, again, thanks to Trey, gotta love the boyfriend. I cant stop coughing or sniffing or blowing my nose, you know the regular cold stuff, grrrrr!

well finals are a week and a half away, NOT GOOD! I am so ready for next semester to be over with, I am in the middle of a 20 year old crisis, no kidding either! It is crazy for me right now! AHH!

Off to study for a psychology test. Later

Turkey Day

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, one of the best days in a year. I love to eat, yumm. We are going to Enid for Thanksgiving, which should be fin, good food and family.

Two more weeks until finals for my first semester at OC. I am not a test taker, that should be fun. That week there will be no fun for Nichole. I am going to do nothing but study, not even work, yea that is going to hurt the pay check but you know I need to study or my scholarships are long gone! I Am nervous as I could ever be though. I hate comprehensive tests, they are the worst. I am glad not all of my classes are comprehensive tests.

Well it is winter time... so therefore, I will be sick until the spring, yea I am getting to the sick point once again. Gab has been sick, I think she got me sick, which I think has also made the boyfriend sick as well, Dad was sick last week and Mom was around that time too. We are just a sick family I guess.

I know I am just rambling so I am going to go for now. I am going to try to keep up with this blog better. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and eat mucho!

Tomorrow is Halloween; It makes me kind of miss being a kid. I remember my best friend in grade school, Sonja, and I would always do something. It was great. I miss her a lot. Gabrielle has gotten to enjoy Halloween again this year by going to a costume party, she looked weird, I don't even know what she was. The look kind of scared me when I walked out of my room the other night when she returned from the party.

Class was canceled , I love it when classes are canceled. It was Economics. Oh too bad! I spent the day with Kimberly and Addyson. I had fun. We just hung out like usual. Addy is becoming so lively and full of laughs and smiles. She is getting big as well. She is a cutie!

I am going to a Red Jumpsuit Aparatus concert on Friday with Gary and Treynor. Hope that is fun, they are pretty good of a group. Woo hoo should be an event for me. I am going out and doing something, woo hoo! I pretty much go to school and work and when I am not there I am at Kim's house with the family and all. Yes, I know, boring. But when you want to get out of school and want to be out in the real world what do you expect. I must stop rushing myself. Hope God has a good path for me to follow!!

Good Times

So it has been a while since I have written anything on here, sorry. School and work consume my life. One I hate school, I am to the point to where I just want to work. I hate classes, I hate it all. But I guess I need it! Work, oh its all stress right now, behind on things, relaying the whole store, angry customers, angry employees and so on. Oh the pain!!

I am ok though, havent felt like myself for a week or so now. But I guess that is life. I have been hanging with my best friend Kim Shults lately, I have missed her. Now that I have some time I get to see her, and her daughter Addyson more often. I love them both sooo much!

I have been ored out of my mind though other than school, work and being with the girls. I come home and hangout in my room and talk to my friend Josh and Evan all the time... I live a boring life. I just dont feel like I need to get out when all I want right now is to be out on my own, ha ha. Oh well. I am thinking Apartment by the summer, hopefully!

Welp me and the girls at school are having fun. We love to just be in one anothers company. Its nice to have friends at school too. Though I have gone to Tonkawa some to see my girls from last year, I miss them terribly!!












Oh good times. Last weekend, mom gab and i went to St. Louis for Benny's Gotcha Day party! It was fun, got to see family and friends. It was a year ago last sunday that Eric and Geri got to bring Benny home. I guess this semester hasnt been too bad, just hate school, wish I could take a break and do what I want for a while, like work and get my own arpartment and what not! It would be great!

I should be trying to get on here more and update as much as I can. I have attempted to do so a couple times but havent yet accomplished anything... this time I did!

Kneading Bread

We read this poem in English the other day, it s a good one I must say. It sounds sexual, if you put it in that context but really I dont see it as that. So here it is...

Kneading Bread

Long before daylight, stove crackling,
coffee perking, I sprinkle yeast on
honeyed warm water, add salt,
and oil, freshly ground whole wheat,
flour which I stir and mix and fold
into fragrant bread dough.

I plunk it out on to an
old wood board while the wind woofs
hungrily at steam edged windows
and you toast your back
sip your morning cup and read bout
falling cattle prices, costly feed.

In my worn sweats and slippers,
my hair twisted up in a slip-shod knot
I labor the dough with supple floured
fingers, the fine rhythm of work-
push-pull-turn, push-pull-turn,
transfiguring sticky wet into
elastic glossy smooth.

I feel your arms ease around me from
behind, your chest flannel full
against my curved back, your mouth
moist and breathy on my ear
moving wisps of escaped hair
tickling and teasing along my neck
sending spine shivers quivering to my toes.

Closing my eyes to this bliss kiss
kindness, your warmth weakens me,
melts me from into and embrace that turns
me from the swollen dough to place
white hands upon your tan face,
leaves me wondering what it is
about kneading bread
that makes you need me.

cough cough

Had my first REAL grade of the year on wednesday- had to bring in 5 everyday items and explain how they relate to us. It went pretty well, i think, even though I am sick. And Thursday, I had a quiz in my Matthew class... it went well too... that is all the good news I have I think. I lead a boring life I guess, I work and go to school and try to keep my friends and try to make more... it is harder than you think!

A Load

So I am starting to meet a few new people, I guess I am not much for browsing anymore. I am tired and ready tog et out of school. I plan to take load of classes next semester and take pretty much a whole semester this upcoming summer. Then be a junior next fall when I am supposed to be a junior. I am scared though about that too, working so hard at school and maybe having a job (hopefully) on campus in the summer and next semester so I dont really need to worry as much, expecially about gas. But gas is not what I want to talk about right now.

School is going good. It is my second week, not to shabby... BUT... yes there is a but... I just happen to be sick, yes, my sister and dad have gotten the rest of the family sick. I am guessing it has nothing to do with allergies or sinuses (even though dad says its sinuses), I dont think that is contageous, does that word have an "i" in it anywhere, hmmm?

Other than that I really dont have a lot going on. Just working and going to school and trying to get involved with school as well. I really hope I love it!

Life... shortened

Wow, it has been a while since I have posted. Well I started school at OC last week, woo hoo. It is ok so far. I am not much for getting involved but yet at the same time I want to so bad. I am trying to get involved, but there is always something in the way of that, but I will keep working at it.

Classes so far are ok, I only am liking Matthew and Comm. 2, the others are like over my head--way over it! I like most of my teachers though, they all seem likable.

I have made a few new friends. Not much for browsing I guess, I gained my new friends through Laura Greene, a girl I met when her dad came to our church to try out for the associate minister position. But I like them, then of course I got my best friend Andrew Schwarz, he is the bestest, always there when I need him... oh wait that means I have two bestest friends-- I love Kimberly Shults. She and I are pretty much attached at the hip, lol. I am glad she lives close to my school, that way I can see her and her baby and her family all the time. I am excited about that.

I am struggling with some things going on in my life. But I am dealing with those. I dont really have a whole lot of news to tell, or I dont have any on my mind right now. Just ask me anything I am sure I could answer it.

my emotions are high strung and i am confused... my parents are going to murder me!

Mission Trip

Well the day came (July 22nd) and it was pretty early for me on a Saturday, 7:30 a.m. I am at Erins and we were up and ready to go to the churchm yea to the church building @ 7:30 in the morning. All who were there were suprised because not only were we there but we were on time. But of course one of us forgot something, SOCKS! Yes, Erin forgot her socks, so we had to go back to her house and get some socks. When we arrived back to the church building we had a (good ridence, ha ha) prayer and we loaded up.

It was about 7 hours later when we got to the Arrow Companies Project in a suburb of Houston. It is a place for foster children, like a retreat like camp. Overflowing with fun for the young ones. We got the privledge of staying in one of the cabins there, it was awesome. Thank you Matt for having an Uncle that loves you enough to let us stay there. It was so pretty then we were off to the mall for a night out. And then it was back to the cabins after a couple hours of roaming and turn arounds we finally got back to the cabin and went to bed.

Church on Sunday and another full day of driving on our way to Mississippi. When we got there, it was night time and it was scary, I wanted to go home, but I had Andrew there to comfort me and help me out, love you Andrew. Then after that night, the first night in our small wearhouse we shared with 8 other people from Pennsylvania, we were off to get our assignment for the week. We were helping a couple redo a house for people who needed to use it, it is a little hard to explain. We did so much for the city of Pascagoula, I am proud of all of us.

Friday was the fun day, off to Gulf Shores, Alabama. To the BEACH! Last time I was @ a beach was when Gab was 3. I got burnt, of course. But we all did, but my burn was enough for all 13 of us who went. Oh, I forgot,Erin and I were the girl chaperones, I felt older and wiser!! The beach was fun as was the ride to West Monroe, Louisianna. I sat with Andrew the whole way we were sleeping buds because I couldnt lean on the window because my sunburn, his shoulder became my best friend by the end of the week. I just love him to death!

I am glad to be home but not at the same time. I had a lot of fun while in Mississippi. I hope I will be able to go on next summers mission trip.

Josh was offically hired as the youth minister! SOme good news for the church!

Take My Hand

these are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. Ne Reign from OC sings this in acapella and Shawn McDonald sings it as well... makes me think of how much I really need to focus on my Christian walk.

Take my hand to the promise landAnd on You I want to stand‘Cause I cannot do it on my ownYou're what I need and I need to beRight by Your side ‘cause I cannot hideLord, I know that I need YouNa na na na na na na na na, I need YouNa na na na na na na na na, I need YouWithout You I'm so aloneI am weak but You are strongYou pick me up when I'm falling downAnd I am cryingOut to You inside of my heartI need You, Lord, oh so, for the partI want You to have my life, JesusI fall to my kneesAnd I'm begging You, please, oh, LordWon't You change meMake me new from the inside outI want to shout out Your name

So, Julia and Carissa are here this week. trhey are spending time with us and my mom. It has been an eventful couple days... I am not used to a four year old in the house. I showed up to work this morning and I looked horrible! I work everyday this week, even tomorrow, but I only work from 9 to 1 all week, so that is a plus!

I am not too sure on what to talk about. I haven't done a whole lot here lately. Just been working and that is about all! I am off to bed because I am having the worst time typing! Talk to ya later

Oh, Camp

I am sitting here on my bed, in my room, at my house thinking of what life is all about, to me anyway. I think of work, church, sitting around and family. I dont ever think of the little things. Like today, I went to pick up Gabrielle from her week of camp at Quartz Mountain Christian Camp. She had a blast, we talked about it for a couple hours actually. She told me everything, well pretty much, which guys were cute, whoe she hung out with, her best friend Ashley's emotional moment due to a lesson on Family and moving. It was great just to sit and listen to what fun Gab had for a while.

I miss camp, I only went a couple times, and I have been on plenty of retreats at camps to make me miss it. I do encourage anyone to go to camp, to me it is a life changing experience. I can not really explain to you about camp in my eyes, it is outdoors and sticky, and gross but you really do not think about that while you are there, and may I remind you, I am talking about church camp and only church camp (this is the only camp I have ever liked... I HATED girl scouts camp). You have quiet time, yes quiet time, not necessarily a nap or anything, time to think, pray, read your Bible, simple things like that. It is a very moving moment for some. I have begun thinking about my future a lot lately and how I want to be a better person and all. I feel that if I start now I have a better chance of a change then if I start later on in life. I have a 12 year old sister looking at me everyday, my mom helped me realize tonight that I am an example to Gab, and I realized I am not being the example I should be.

I have been thinking of work, my future husband (to whom which I really dont know who he is yet), my finances, my house, everything that goes into your future and what I am going to make of my own. It has made me put a hold on the life I was living to a new one. I have begun to move on and see that it is time for it. I know I have said that before, but I am actually not just saying it this time. I have been reading my Bible, and I have been enjoying going to church, and being with people from church and hanging out with people that I go to church with. It is a great feeling to know you are wanted, and that people like you that you are around only at church, and now not just at church. I am beginning to love life more and I want to explore more in life and see what I can do!!

Well Erin and I decided we wanted to go on the Mission Trip to Mississippi in July, so we went into the youth ministers office to leave him a note to tell him we were going to be 2 of the 25 who went on the trip, and we noticed his office was, oh, ummm DULL... so we livined it up a little, we made colorful signs and stuff and put them on the walls and on the drawers and made a cute sign that we majorly taped to his door for everyone to see... it was great bonding time with a person that I like and that likes me and with a person who likes to hang out whenever and we get along great. I love it!! Well I am off to bed, I have to get up in the morning to begin redoing my room... I am painting it and "redecorating" it kind of... I hope that I like it, if I dont... I have to live with it!

Some Thoughts...

My Dream:
To be a Youth Ministers Wife

What I want in a husband:
Faithfulness
christian
loves food
family oriented
truthful
outstanding in every way
knows how to cook (ha ha)
loves church
puts god first
taller than I am
can make me laugh
carries on a good conversation
will support me in any way
will be there for me in hard times and good
will keep my company when no one else will
will be my best friend until the end
will surprise me with yellow roses (love those things)
will do his best to be the best to me
~ I am sure there is more, but right now I just can not think about anything.

My Goals:
Graduate college
get a good job
support my family
be a faithful wife
be a faithful christian

Any suggestions????

Thinking...

I work with a couple people I go to church with, and I love it. They are a good influence on me. I hang out with Erin at church and some outside of church, like last night. We went into Josh's office (the youth intern) and we noticed it was plain and dull, and we didnt like it! We were just going to leave him a note to tell him we were going on the mission trip. By the end of the evening we made him clorful things to brighten his office up and on Wednesday we are going to hang them in his office. He is at camo this week. I am kind of hoping it will make him smile!!

I like the fact that I am making new friends. I really like to hang out with them. There are a couple that I hang out with that I dont like some of the things they do, but every person has friends like that. But they dont make me do anything, they dont make me feel bad for not doing what they are at all. I like the fact that they are like that! I also like the fact that I am making friends at church, I mean I am getting along with them and wanting to be around them and do things with them and the youth and what not. Erin was asked by her dad to be mentor to the youth and to be around them more for another person for support, and I think that by me hanging out with her and being around that, that I am seeing some things that need to be different in my life.

We are starting a college class next sunday, this should be fun. With Andy as my dad, I am a little stuborn and I know how I was taught and what I was taught. The teachers, one of them I have a small problem with, he is not completely on the right track, and I dont like that fact. I dont want all of us college people to be taught something that is a little shaky so we are going to see how this goes... maybe it will be better than I am thinking. Yes the teacher is a good teacher, and a nice man but some of his thinkings make me wonder! We will see, I plan to be doing some studying on some things this week, well to see what I know and how I can support my comments and what not. I know some, but I should know more than what I do know.

Well I am off to work, I have to work at 3 so, it is time for me to leave. Hope that summer is going good for everyone. I am having a pretty good one. Oh... I have had wrist problems for the last week and a half or so, so I went to the doctor on Friday. I have tendonitis and a little carpal tunnel forming in my right wrist. It hurts, and it is a bummer, but I am dealing with it. I have medication to take, and it is the grossest stuff I have ever taken, but oh well. I have orientation @ Oklahoma Christian the 24th... keep that in your prayers, as well as me. I need them, thank you and I will be praying for all of you!!! Love you all!!

Lazer Quest

Lazer Quest---- with a bunch of younger teens! WOW!!! I had some fun tonight, I was a "chaperone" with Erin tonight with the youth group. We went and played Lazer Tag and had some fun. It was great, even though Thing 1 and 2 are not very good (Erin and I). I am glad that I went tonight! Well hanging out with the youth group and Rin and all has made me think different once again... I am not who I should be. I know I have said it over and over, but I am looking for the right time for a Change, and I keep thinking now... but it is hard to transition! I am working on it though, I have faith in myself... oh write that down, I gave myself a compliment!

Read my bible
pray daily
read my bible
pray daily
keep up the good work
and so on....

Over My Head

I never knew I never knew that everything was falling through That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue To turn and run when all I needed was the truth But that's how it's got to be It's coming down to nothing more than apathy I'd rather run the other way than stay and see The smoke and who's still standing when it clears and

Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind

Let's rearrange I wish you were a stranger I could disengage Just say that we agree and then never change Soften a bit until we all just get along But that's disregard You find another friend and you discard As you lose the argument in a cable car Hanging above as the canyon comes between and

Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on (repeat)

And suddenly I become a part of your past I'm becoming the part that don't last I'm losing you and its effortless Without a sound we lose sight of the ground In the throw around Never thought that you wanted to bring it down I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind Everyone knows She's on your mind Everone knows I'm in Over my head I'm in over my head I'm over my Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind

LTC

This weekend was LTC (Leadership Training for Chrsit) in Tulsa. This year we went with a new church, ok, well our new church, South Yukon Church of Christ. It is a WHOLE lot bigger than Kingfisher, and I really like it. This weekend was fun too. Got to see new groups perform and what not. The chorus' did EXTREMELY well! I am proud of them all... I loved the quartet of guys. They did a wonderful job!

I miss LTC... I wish I were a high schooler this year just to participate! I had fun though just being a tag-a-long! Mom and I had fun hanging out! I did get an LTC t-shirt, and a Freed Hardeman t as well! I was excited to see reps from FHU there. Made my visit a little more exciting!

We stayed in the double tree.. nice! It was good, mom gab and I shared a room. They rented a suite, on the 15th floor, for the whole group that went, for a place to eat and hang out and visit. It was pretty cool to have that! I had a good time, though I was readyt to by when we left. I had to make mom stay longer just do I could see the quartet sing! It was a good trip though, I emjoyed myself.

As things go so far, I am still thinking HARD about going to FHU. I am pretty excited. I want to do this for me. I need this change on my life. The environment I am in at NOC is not what I should be around. I am not who I really am when I there I dont think. I mean I dont act abnormal around my friends, but what I do there is not Nichole! I dont drink, or smoke, or cuss... and there I do (except drink anymore) and I am not that way. It has taken me a long time to realize that I am not the kind of person who does all of that! I am excited about my decision.

Well it is after 10 and I have to wake up in the morning so I am going to post and go to bed. Hope everyone had a GREAT Easter weekend! (1 Tim. 4:12)

1 Timothy 4:12

This is my favorite verse... when I get discouraged or something I think of this verse. It makes me feel like a stronger teen, for the last few months that I am a teen...lol...

"Let no man despise they youth; but be thou an example of the believer, in word, inconversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

Oh the Pain

I feel broken
from beginning to end
nothing seems to happen the way it should
it hurts
all the pain and discomfort.

Killing my insides,
my heart hurts,
my brain is fried
and my body aches

why me why my family
please tell me how to move on


Well alot of things are going through my brain, more than just family matters. I feel lonely today and dont feel like myself. I want to cry, more than I already have but I dont want to draw attention to myself. Oh well, maybe seeing through these things will help with closure. I guess we will see!

Couldn't Go Any Longer

Well I am back, I dont know how many of you read this in the first place, but just having a MySpace is not cutting it for me. I need somewhere to talk about what is going on in my small yet completely full brain of mine. I feel as if I should have this for the growing my myself. To write your feelings and what not is a way to express yourself and a way of letting it all out and not have it bottled up inside, as I have learned earlier this week.

For an insight... Well I am a freshman in college, and boy is that an experience in and of itself. I live in the dorms at the small town junior college I go to, Northern Oklahoma College. My Major is Photography and Digital Imaging. I am in my 2nd semester, and between me and college-- it is a love hate relationship! I am dating a great guy, Gary, and have been for almost 3 months; that doesn't seem like a long time but we were friends before we got together for about 2 months or so, so really it feels like we have been together for longer than what we have been. His major right now is Forensic Science, but I have a feeling that may change as time goes by... he loves music. Dorm life is ok, if you know me you can understand why I am still having trouble with living away from home. I am sure that in the future I can do a good job at being alone and taking care of myslef, but I am a Mommy's girl! I do like not being at home though, really it is great at the same time!

I hope that this will help me become a better person. I have had one of these in the past. But I want this one to work and to help me out!! Keep me in your prayers!